Single Does Not Equal Broken

So I’m single.  I’m over the hill and have never tied the knot.  I don’t have kids, unless my four footed fur baby counts.  My cat, Sunny, is the sweetest thing ever.  Sometimes I think about getting another cat, but being single, I don’t want to become the crazy cat lady all the kids on the block talk about.

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035Look at all that cuteness!

I struggled with being single for a long time.  My mom was the greatest mom ever, hands down.  She died 6 years ago, and I miss her terribly.  This is one of the last pictures I have of her.

Mom 001When I was younger, I never pictured myself as a career gal.  I just thought I would be a mom and a homemaker like my mom.  But then I turned 25, and I was no where near close to getting married.  It was because there was something wrong with me; I was sure of that.

I would pray half heartedly that God would let me be content in my singleness, but deep down, I desperately wanted to get married.  I was really afraid that God’s plan for me would be singleness, so I prayed for God’s will to be done, hoping that His plan would be what I wanted–marriage.  Then, birthday 29 rolled around, and I was no where closer to getting married, but my nursing career was in full swing.  Funny how life works out.

Birthday 30 came and went.  I was still hopelessly single, but as least I had a healthier self-esteem.  I found myself sincerely wanting what God wanted for me, and to that end, I began praying sincerely for contentment in whatever marital status I found myself.  One day, I realized that I was totally and completely happy, single and all.  Funny how life works out.  (Did I already say that?)

Well meaning people tell me, sometimes, to hang in there; the right one will come along.  I used to cling to those words of encouragement, hoping upon hope that they were right.  But now, those words just make me cringe.  I mean, it’s like people think I’m not complete, or can’t be happy, without a Mr. by my side.  I get introduced sometimes as “Juanita, one of the singles” as if my marital status, or lack thereof, is the most important thing about me.  Some people joke about single people being single for a reason or single for a season.  It makes me feel like singleness is a disease to be cured.

Don’t get me wrong.  Singleness is an important part of my life.  It affects how I make decisions.  It affects where I go and when I go there.  I have a feeling, though, that marriage affects my married friends the same way.  In my quest for health, I struggle with how to live a contented single life in a culture that elevates romantic relationships.  Sometimes I think maybe there IS something wrong with me now because I’m satisfied being single, especially being single on the other side of 40.  But I know that’s not true; contentment, in any circumstance, is a gift to be treasured, and being single does not mean I’m broken.

So I smile at being introduced as a single and try to let the comments of eventually finding the right one roll off my back.  If it happens, great; if not, that’s great too.  I know who I am.  I’m Juanita, child of God, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, nurse, runner, Sunday school teacher who just happens to be single.

So here’s to being content in whatever phase of life you find yourself!  May you find joy and purpose in your here and now, married or single.

 

Author: Juanita

Thanks for dropping in! I'm Juanita. People tell me I don't look like a Juanita since I'm red headed and freckled with super pale skin, but what's in a name, right? I'm a 40-something, single (as in no kids, never been married) gal from Oklahoma. I'm a nurse and most importantly, a follower of Jesus. I love chocolate, am scared of heights, and petrified of snakes. After my fortieth birthday and coming to grips with the fact that I was obese, I discovered I'm a runner and a CrossFitter, and that there's a whole lot of life left to live. I just had to get past the fat, stare down the fear, and realize that 40 is not too old for new beginnings. So this is the story of my struggles and adventures in the quest to live a healthy life in mind, body, and soul.

4 thoughts on “Single Does Not Equal Broken”

  1. Hi Juanita!!
    It’s so good to see you writing again…especially about your journey to health. I’m so proud of you for all of your hard work and determination. You inspire me.

    When all this cancer nonsense is behind me, I will definitely talk to you about getting started. That has always been my struggle. The motivation to start. But as I told you yesterday, God has ingrained in me the one-day-at-a-time mantra. That’s NOT easy for me. Like you said in an earlier post, I didn’t get fat overnight, so it’s not going to come off overnight. Life is a series of heartbeats, steps, and choices and God is the breath in all of them.

    As I was reading this post, I couldn’t help but laugh. I could EASILY be the crazy cat lady. Truthfully, I wouldn’t mind one bit. I LOVE cats and would rescue all of them (the ones needing rescuing…) if I could. 🙂

    Singleness. Not a disease or some sort of affliction. It’s one of those heartbeats, steps, choices where God was in the inhale and exhale. Being content is NOT easy and marriage won’t define what that means for you. Most people have no idea who they are or what they want and get married hoping to “find themselves” through the eyes of their spouse. It’s sad, really, how few people out there are truly content.

    I think about what Paul told the Corinthians: “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.”

    Paul understood the demands of marriage and how it would be one more distraction for believers. I admire your strength of self and your ability to drown out the noise of society to focus on the the inhale and exhale of who you are…Juanita, the single woman, who has walked (and run!) lots of steps to come to this place of clarity. You have listened to God along the way and aligned your heartbeat with His.

    Pardon the colloquialism, but, “You go, girl!!”

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