Losing the Love

Running sucks right now.  So does CrossFit.  It all just seems so hard.  I mean, for crying out loud, I just ran a marathon, and now running 3 miles feels like a long distance.  What’s up with that?  And weights that I used to lift in CrossFit just seem too heavy.  And let’s not even talk about shoulder mobility.  I just feel like I’m not progressing.

As if it weren’t obvious, I’ve been feeling rather discouraged lately.  Running and CrossFit are not things I do because I HAVE to; I honestly enjoy them.  I look forward to running and throwing around weights in the gym.  Or I used to.  What’s happened that what I love has become a chore?

The owner of the CrossFit gym I belong to saw me leaving a few days ago and called out asking how it was going.  I guess my voice betrayed me because he picked up that something wasn’t right and called me over for a chat.  So I spilled my guts.  I ran a marathon, but now I can barely run 3 miles, and I’ve taken steps back in CrossFit.  I’m discouraged.

Jake is a wise man.  The first thing out of his mouth was, “So you ran a marathon.  How many days did you take off after?”  Touche.  I knew rest was important, but I guess my inner teenager thought I was unbreakable and would be good to go after a 2 day rest.

His advice to me?  “Have fun!”  Basically, chill out.  Relax.  Don’t push yourself so hard.  He’s right; I’m not training for anything right now, so why do I have to run that pace or get that mileage or lift that amount of weight?  But I’m super competitive when it comes to myself, and I feel like I’ve let myself down if this run was slower than the last or if I don’t go the miles I had planned or if I still can’t overhead squat more than 20 pounds (Grrr….).

But his advice has been unshakeable.  Have fun.  Run until it’s not fun and then stop.  Or just don’t run for a while.  Walk instead.  And if the CrossFit WOD (workout of the day) doesn’t appeal to you, cheer on your peers and do something else, or go super light that day with the weights.  Just give yourself a break.

As crazy as it sounds, sometimes I just need someone to give me “permission” to let up.  I need to hear that it’s okay to take a break.  Even though my recent vacation gave me a boost of confidence that I can make healthy food choices away from home, I’m still scared to death of gaining weight if I’m not burning tons of calories a day.  I’m still working on finding that balance.

But for now I need to find the fun in my sports again.  I’m thinking maybe I should go running without my running watch.  Forget about pace and distance and just run at a pace that feels good and quit when I get tired.  Same with cycling.  I’m already in that mindset when I get on my bike that I have to ride for a certain number of minutes or get one more mile in than I did last time in the same number of minutes.  I need to just forget about how fast and how far I’m riding and just focus on the wind in my face and enjoy the ride.  And instead of obsessing about the weight on my bar, I need to just focus on the feel of the bar in my hands and the thrill of completing a tough workout, not on “I should be doing more.”

001We all know that life’s not a bowl of cherries, right?  And there’s something to be said for pushing yourself.  That’s how you get better, faster, stronger.  But there’s a time for resting too.  It’s hard for me to admit I’m not enjoying running right now, but I’m going to trust Jake’s advice and just have fun.  I’m just going to chill, try to forget about the numbers and do my thing because I LOVE it.

How are you doing with exercise and fitness?

How do you keep that balance of rest and pushing yourself?



Author: Juanita

Thanks for dropping in! I'm Juanita. People tell me I don't look like a Juanita since I'm red headed and freckled with super pale skin, but what's in a name, right? I'm a 40-something, single (as in no kids, never been married) gal from Oklahoma. I'm a nurse and most importantly, a follower of Jesus. I love chocolate, am scared of heights, and petrified of snakes. After my fortieth birthday and coming to grips with the fact that I was obese, I discovered I'm a runner and a CrossFitter, and that there's a whole lot of life left to live. I just had to get past the fat, stare down the fear, and realize that 40 is not too old for new beginnings. So this is the story of my struggles and adventures in the quest to live a healthy life in mind, body, and soul.

5 thoughts on “Losing the Love”

  1. I felt like that about running recently as well. What I realized was I was scared to lose what I had. I mean- I was afraid I would trail back so far that I wouldn’t be conditioned to run a 10 mile run or a 8 mile run. I was simply afraid of “going backwards” especially after so many months of increasing mileage and speed. Once I got over the fact that I am capable of taking a break but come back from it- I took that break. A nice -one month break. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I didn’t gain any extra weight or became a little too lazy. All that happened, however, I came back so rested, full of eagerness to get back into it and really get going. A break is truly necessary especially for motivation! Good luck lady and you did awesome on Saturdays run!!

    1. Yeah, fear of losing my fitness is part of it too, for sure. Thanks for the encouragement! I feel like exercise is finally such a normal part of my life, and something that I love, that I can take a break and know I’ll come back to it. I’m still fighting the fear of even small weight gain, though, which is what makes taking a break so hard. I just need to figure out how to be active while still taking a break…

  2. When I was training for the Tulsa Run (nothing compared to a Marathon), I had met my training goals and burned out. I stopped running for a month because I hated it! The break helped me to regroup and recapture a desire to run. Hang in there. Breaks and diversity are good 😊.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *