Relapse

One of my biggest fears since losing a boatload of weight is that I would gain weight again.  I’m terrified of that happening.  I never want to be overweight again.  I hated how I felt physically and mentally as an overweight obese person, and for the most part that fear has kept me on the straight and narrow in making good food choices.  That, and the fact that my desire for junk food is essentially gone.  Well, mostly gone.

But then it happened.  I’ve gained some weight.  Not a lot.  I bet most people who see me every day can’t even tell, but I know.  While I’m learning not to be totally obsessed by the number on the scale, when I know what I’ve been eating and I see that number go up, I know I’ve put on some weight.

Confession time.  I’ve been eating way too much chocolate.  Like every day, having something chocolate.  I know what my trigger for sweets is–fatigue.  When I’m tired, I crave chocolate like a drowning man must crave air.  I feel like I HAVE to have sugar.  And my resistance to temptation when I’m tired is zilch.  I feel like my will power is completely tapped out, and I give in.  Every.  Single.  Time.

IMG_1280Working night shift, I spend about 75% of my week tired.  I’m up for over 24 hours more than one day a week.  It’s a tough schedule, and Lord willing, I’ll be able to come off of it soon.  So while I tend to want to comfort myself with this notion that I have reason to be tired and that chocolate is just helping me get through the day, I am NOT okay with gaining weight.  And I recognize that stinkin’ thinkin’ in my excuse.  Chocolate is food, an inanimate object; it can’t make me do anything.  And it can’t really make me less tired.  Fatigue or not, I chose to eat enough chocolate to put on a few pounds.  Me.  I did it.

So my old fat self would have beaten myself up, said “to heck with it” and had some more chocolate.  Anybody in that boat with me?  But having gone through a major weight loss, I’ve learned some valuable lessons and gained some tools that I think will get me back on track.  This is how I’m handling this little set back:

  1.  Remember.  I find myself thinking back to how I felt before I lost weight, reliving those aches and pains and negative thoughts and emotions.  I don’t want that again.  That’s enough to motivate me to get back on track.
  2. Go back to the basics.  I’ve pulled up my Lose It! app again and am tracking my calories daily again.  I need that concrete reminder of how002 many calories chocolate deducts from my “calorie bank” and then, deciding if having chocolate is worth going over my calorie limit or being hungry the rest of the day.
  3. Find new ways to deal with fatigue.  It’s tough when you’re halfway through a 12 hour night shift and find yourself absolutely exhausted.  That’s when I really start craving chocolate.  I’m still working on this part; it’s definitely the hardest part for me, but I’m trying to deal with it by not keeping cash on me (so I can’t go to the vending machines) and by bringing healthy snacks like fruit, protein bars, or a baggie of almonds and raisins to work with me.  When I’m home and the cravings hit, I’m trying to just distract myself with another activity or if I have time, just lie down for a nap.

So I’ll keep you posted on how things are going.  If you find yourself in this same position of having lost some weight and now gaining some, don’t beat yourself up!  This does NOT mean the end of your healthy lifestyle!  Own the choices you’ve made that have led to the weight gain, and get back on track.  We’ll do it together!

Talk to me:

How do you handle set backs on the choices you’ve made to live a healthier life?

What’s your favorite weight loss/health app?

Author: Juanita

Thanks for dropping in! I'm Juanita. People tell me I don't look like a Juanita since I'm red headed and freckled with super pale skin, but what's in a name, right? I'm a 40-something, single (as in no kids, never been married) gal from Oklahoma. I'm a nurse and most importantly, a follower of Jesus. I love chocolate, am scared of heights, and petrified of snakes. After my fortieth birthday and coming to grips with the fact that I was obese, I discovered I'm a runner and a CrossFitter, and that there's a whole lot of life left to live. I just had to get past the fat, stare down the fear, and realize that 40 is not too old for new beginnings. So this is the story of my struggles and adventures in the quest to live a healthy life in mind, body, and soul.

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