Am I Having a Mid-Life Crisis?

Do girls get mid-life crises?  It seems like that term is thrown around more often in relation to guys, you know when the sensible 9 to 5 suit wearing dude decides to buy a bright red sports car in his mid forties.  But lately, I’m wondering if I’m having a mid-life crisis.

I’ve debated A LOT about writing this post.  Should I?  Should I not?  Is it too personal?  Well, without a question, what’s on my mind is personal, but then I go back to what the purpose of this blog is:  documenting my quest to life a healthy life in mind, body and soul.

So 2 years into this blogging adventure, I’ve written a lot about how I stay physically healthy, not so much about health in other areas.   And I’m sitting here realizing that I just haven’t been very happy lately, a sure sign that something’s out of whack.

No, I don’t mean to imply that life will always be a bed of roses and I should be going around grinning like a fool without a care in the world 24/7.  But I do know that joy is possible, regardless of circumstances, because joy is a choice.  But somewhere along the way, I’ve allowed circumstances to take over and I find myself feeling unmotivated, down in the dumps, and just blah.

But the thing is my life is pretty good.  I have a comfortable home, friends, family, the ability to work and earn all the money I need.  So it’s not so much physical circumstances that are getting me down.  I think it’s more mental fatigue.

I’ve been a nurse for a quarter of a century now, and over those 25 years, I’ve seen a lot.  I’ve seen babies being born.  I’ve been there as old and young people have died.  I’ve cared for drug addicts, diabetics, people with heart failure, people waiting for a liver transplant.  I’ve cared for victims of drunk drivers whose lives will never be the same as the result of their injuries.  I feel like I’ve seen it all, but then I go to work and realize I haven’t.  It’s a stressful, fast-paced, physically demanding, and highly regulated profession, and I come home so many times wondering if I really made a difference.

The thing that eats at me, though, is that person who is my age or younger, fighting chronic diseases that could possibly have been prevented by lifestyle changes.  Losing 63 pounds and the aches and pains that went along with lugging around all that extra weight ignited a  passion within me for health and fitness and eventually led to a personal training certification.  It was the one option I could find that would allow me to work specifically towards preventing disease.

So what’s the problem, you say?

I wish I knew.  Things just feel overwhelming at the moment.   I don’t dislike being a nurse, but there’s the question of where does my passion for health and fitness fit?  I find myself wanting to take my career in that direction, and while I have a vision for what I’d like to do, I don’t know how to make it happen.  Or maybe it’s that I’m scared to make it happen.  I feel overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge there is to learn in a new field, even though so much overlaps with healthcare.  I’m nearly paralyzed by the fear of not being good enough, of not knowing enough, of not being effective at helping people make those lifestyle changes, the thing I want most to do.

And so I feel myself just stalling, staying where I’m comfortable despite the  dissatisfaction, letting fear steal my joy.

And the thing is, I’m not quite sure how to bust out of this funk and restore my mental health.  I tend to find, though, for me that mental and spiritual health tend to go hand in hand, so I think a lot of praying and listening to God is in my future!

So I put this out there not for sympathy but in the spirit of transparency.  I’m not sure how I’ll get to the other side of this mental wall, but I have (at least I’m trying to find) faith that I’ll find the way eventually.

Talk to me:

Can girls have a mid-life crisis?

What’s your solution for feeling down in the dumps?